May 2013
leodeservestheoscar:
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm
arpakasso:
bondoge:
swag youre it
no snapbacks
HD porn is so clear that you can actually see how disappointed their parents are
leonmcgann:
its weird how google became a synonym for search
“Having a low opinion of yourself is not modesty. It’s self-destruction.”
– Bobby Sommer (via wryer)
if you compliment me once i’ll think about it every night for twelve years
knifefarty:
if i had the power to control time i would probably just use it to sleep more
pityreblogs:
when i’m old i’m going to say “or as they said in my day “yolo swag””
drunktrophywife:
Amanda Bynes wasn’t allowed on a flight because she didn’t have proper id because the id she tried to use was “im Amanda Bynes google me”
“You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
– Rumi (via nietzsche-spoke-thus)
hungarian:
tumblr has desensitized me to humor like i used to laugh at a lot more things but now everything seems old & i feel like i’m 57 yrs old
Watchlizzlemcguizzle:
i take you to the candy shop
peregr1ne:
my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him
warpedesto:
do you ever just
make a friend and think
I am so glad this friend is mine
thesulfurandthesea:
desertofwit:
thesulfurandthesea:
sometimes I get frustrated because you can’t put numbers in caps
12
am I screaming?
you’ll never know
100% true fact: this is actually why the romans elected to use numerals instead of following the rest of the world when they came along with modern numbers
“wait, how many did you say? xi?”
“XII”
“whoa calm down there nero”
i…
thefaultsinourself:
densofaxis:
the swim team at my school was able to slip in “we go in hard and come out wet” in the yearbook and the yearbook people didn’t realize it until it was too late so they put stickers over that part but everyone’s taking that shit off
that is beautiful
Note: The cure for asthma is not, “Just breathe!”, and the cure for cancer is not, “Stop growing those cells!” Similarly, the cure for depression is not, “Just be happier!”, and the cure for anxiety is not, “Stop worrying so much!” These are not phases of life for teenagers and the weak-minded - they are serious and chronic medical illnesses.
“Addiction is tricky. For example: a man who quit smoking for 11 years spent 15...”
– (via cumpressing)
legit-humour:
nobody’s perfect i gotta twerk it
